Holiday Health Warning

We feel the need to issue a Holiday Health Warning. An apparently happy visitor has been taking a 1500 metre run up and down a steep rough track, adding an extra circuit for each day of the holiday. Thank heavens he was not here a fortnight. His wife said he seemed a bit tired, and slept a lot.

We emphasize that we are not responsible for shortness of breath, palpitations, spousal complaint, or athlete’s foot.

Things to think about:

  • Don’t make a resolution or give up something just before or while on holiday. Bad temper is not helpful to holiday atmosphere.
  • Charge your family a pound if they mention work, politics, or relations – and the holiday will pay for itself.
  • If you throw something away, you will need it tomorrow.
  • A mobile phone doesn’t work everywhere in Cornwall- so try and pretend you don’t have one.
  • On a long car journey, drink a litre of water. This will prevent dehydration, help mental alertness, force journey breaks, and improve car safety.
  • Never discuss politics, sex, money or religion.
  • Eating oysters- a great delicacy- enlivens a family meal.
  • Keep your wellington boots ever by you, but do not wear them in bed.
  • A house is not a home without an onion.
  • Smile at each member of your family, every day of the holiday. The worst they can say is that you are insane. They may even love you for it.
  • Eden Project: arrive as they open, or at 1.45pm- never arrive mid morning: queues can be terrible.
  • Don’t sing at the table- unless it is Handel.
  • You can’t get milk without breeding cattle.
  • The older you get, the less you have to listen.
  • Always keep a leek in your socks: If you need to know why, please phone Forgotten Houses Office.
  • One ear should always be aware of the music.
  • Never pass a lavatory without using it- you never know when you will see another.
  • Drive your car to brush the side the hedge; keep very tight to the left on left hand corners. Don’t swing out.
  • To avoid being hit from the right, drive tight to the left hand side when corners bend right; avoid panicking oncoming cars.
  • Don’t try and avoid scratches from the hedges, or your car will be in the middle of the road. Wear with pride the marks received from Cornish hedges.
  • If you always expect the worst, I suppose it might be a bit better.
  • Divide your money and cards into three places around your body: socks, waist and pocket.
  • Never go swimming- it is impossible to hide your possessions.

Holiday houses & cottages with that special something…